Ugh.

I want to go home again already.
Three months until Christmas break.

Kiran Sangherra says

So this is what happened right after I after I was talking to you today...

Kiran: ... So, if you could just mail that to the address you have, that would be great!
Customer Support: You bet! And whose name should we put on it?
K: You can put mine, it's Kiran.
CS: Okay, Karen.
K: Haha, no Kiran.
CS: How do you spell that?
K: K I R A N
CS: K.... I.... R.... I N?
K: Just switch the I with an A
CS: KARIN
K: Jesus, okay, the other I.
CS: KIIIIRAN, is that right?
K: Yes
CS: Are you sure?
K:
CS: Hello?

Family & Friends

It's strange to think that even after living here three years, I'm still tighter and better connected with my friends back home than with the few I've made here. Still, I can't let go of Alberta. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to connect here. Possibly because I haven't tried terribly hard... Some things just are not meant to be surpassed, you know?

My niece and nephew are growing without me, as is Lucasaurus. My best friend is going off to college and my cousins are finding their womanly ways in life. And no matter how exciting my success stories are, I can't help but feel the crushing doubt of my own self-interest and distance.

When I visit home, I tend to start thinking about when I'll have to leave before I've even arrived. It's a serious flaw of mine - the one I wish I didn't have more than anything. Driving a full day, the distance between my career world and my family world widening and widening, is a horrifying thought.


What DO I want in this life?



Sara. ♥

I'm lonely. I miss home. I miss my family. I miss my friends, who I could spend every moment with and who felt the same about me.

Sometimes I think living in Vancouver isn't living. Not really.

My boyfriend is amazing with words. ♥

To be genuine

Every once in a while we come across a truly genuine person. Someone who gives compliments with their heart in it. Or who comes honestly by their hurt and their happiness and their mistakes, freely expressing them with a level of trust most people only put in their one love, or their mother - not in a person they met a few months ago. And it's not the threatening kind of trust, or a trust that demands reciprocation. You know, the kind of trust that when given, demands your truest of truths as leverage for your unwavering fidelity.

This person asks you about your day - and ACTUALLY keeps their brains tuned in to hear it! Then they tell you about theirs without abandon because they are just so. damn. genuine. that they assume you're doing the same. I'm not joking. They're out there.

And so what are they there for? They often don't change us (unfortunately). They can't keep us in awe of their grace for long, before we shrug it off as a flaw and tune out again.

I suppose it's so we can find ourselves in a place of comfort like I have. My roommate, Melissa, is one of the genuine people. Everything I described. And I hope she's reading, so she knows how I appreciate it. I can walk in my place and see her - smiling or not, she doesn't feel the need hide it - and it just makes me feel glad to be as lucky as I am.

I hope you all have a person like Melissa in your life.



Love Sara. ♥

Melissa and I rearranged our living room - from cut off from the rest of the space, to open living space! I thought I would share it with the world, since a very personal redesign is ALWAYS interesting to people who have never seen my place! Check it out!

Old living room

NEW living room!!!

Really we just rotated it 180 degreees but... SO EXCITING!!!



Love Sara. ♥

The unremarkable becomes profound.

I was driving back to work with lunch today, with a stack of 10 or so pizzas filling my car with a scent that vehemently made its way through my mouth and nostrils and weighted my stomach down until it rested on my intestines with a squishy, squeezy feeling. It's Monday, so my attitude was already blatantly missing its peak. But I happened upon this ridiculous moment that completely amazed me in all its simplicity.

Waiting in the right turn lane behind a number of cars that obviously had no intention of turning, I focused my disinterest elsewhere - the sidewalk. And right at that moment, as I glance over, this profoundly unremarkable pair cross paths. One is a man in maybe his early forties; he's balding, lemon-shaped (you know - a thick middle, but thin everything else), tall at maybe 6'1", and his chin kind of slopped down into his neck. The other a woman, mid- to late forties; she's got the hair of a woman who should have been gray years ago but is magically still blonde, she's clearly far past the doctor scale recommendations, and no taller than 5'7".

But the moment (which I've managed to take two paragraphs to get to) was simple: they brushed past each other, with maybe only shirt-sleeve to flappy shirt-sleeve contact, and smiled these shy, almost embarrassed smiles.
There were no words, no nods and no slowing down - they clearly didn't know each other. But as they walked away, they were still smiling. The man even quickly glanced back, and the woman considered it. This competely uninteresting pair of which either couldn't even play the funny-looking sidekick/best friend in an Apatow flick totally just made my day (and my blog, as it were).

An unremarkable pair in a remarkable moment. Life is a wonder.



Love Sara. ♥

United States of Sara

I probably have at least 5 different personalities, depending on the company that is present. It's ridiculous, really, how much I change for the people around me. Then again, I suppose it's not uncommon...
I've been mistaken to copy one's sense of humor for the sake of being funny to the person I'm with, but I can say with confidence that my sense of humor literally rebirths itself depending on what I find funny at such a time. The rest all depends on the company.

Let's review a few Sara personalities. For those of you that read, I guarantee you can classify me as you know me in one of these categories.

In charge Sara:
This Sara comes out when those that I'm with use my confidence to boost their own. I feel empowered - not because I feel better than the people I'm with, but I feel like the people I'm with think I'm better than them. It sounds the same, I know... stupid. But I swear there's a difference. Attitudinal differences include:

• My voice gets deeper
• I don't laugh at my own jokes, nor do I look to you to laugh at them, cause I know you are
• I'm more outgoing to strangers; if we're in a lineup, for instance, I might ask the person in front of us if he likes jazz and how he spends his lunch hours at work or where he bought his West 49 hat and you'll all laugh (but I won't)
• I'll walk just a little bit ahead or in the middle, and I just might put my hands in my pocket like a cocky douchebag

Quirky with a touch of inferiority Sara:
This Sara emerges in the presence of those who intimidate or talk down to me. I probably don't like you that much, but I stay in your company to show you how you don't intimidate me even though you do. I like the feeling of intimidation as long as you don't rub it in my face. Attitudinal differences include:

• Cracking a witty but mild joke about your attitude just within earshot (just outside of it if you really intimidate me)
• Making quirky tale-end comments to your funny statements to prove that I'm funny too, if not funny first, and therefore non-threatened by your comments which others tend to pay more attention to
• Biting my finger when I'm thinking if I think you're looking at me

Passed being in control of my laughing complex Sara:
This Sara emerges in the presence of people that I find funny, and I'm pretty sure they find me funny too. This is a special one - very few people make this Sara show her red face. This is my personal favorite, because THIS Sara never stops laughing (which is something all of the Saras like doing - even the first one) Attitudinal differences:

• My jokes are bound to be random or completely nonsensical
• Instead of laughing out loud, I'll attempt to contain it and push out tears instead of sound
• I laugh a lot

Butch Sara:
You know those girls that are so damn girly it almost makes you sick to be associated with them because of the way they depict your gender? That's when Butch Sara comes out. Ooh, she also comes out around much younger kids, because she wants to demonstrate to girls that you don't have to grow up to be a stuck up bitch, and to boys that not all girls are stuck up bitches. Oh and when I'm doing manual labor. Attitudinal differences:

• I'll wear band t-shirts clearly designed for men, and probably a bandana
• My voice gets deeper
• I'll walk slouched
• I will wipe my nose with the back of my hand (no kidding, I'll actually DO that!)
• My jokes will be more inappropriate

Regular Sara:
This one is someone that anybody will see if they hang out with me more than 5 or 6 times. (She can't hide forever.) She comes out when she's enjoying herself enough to forget about her cover. She's honest, and a little insecure. Her laugh varies between quiet to very loud. She'll talk a little too soon, sometimes regretting what she said - but only for a moment or two. She'll dish out compliments left and right and mean them.
And sometimes, if you're really special, she'll trust you with her hurt.



Love Regular Sara. ♥

I love you, Danni.

Danni sent me this quote a few weekends ago:

"What is a friend? I will tell you. It is a person with whom you dare to be yourself. Your soul can be naked with him. He seems to ask of you to put on nothing, only to be what you are. He does not want you to be better or worse. When you are with him, you feel as a prisoner feels who has been declared innocent. You do not have to be on your guard. You can say what you think, so long as it is genuinely you. He understands those contradictions in your nature that lead others to misjudge you. With him you breathe freely. You can avow your little vanities and envies and hates and vicious sparks, your meannesses and absurdities and, in opening them up to him, they are lost, dissolved on the white ocean of his loyality. He understands. You do not have to be careful. You can abuse him, neglect him, tolerate him. Best of all, you can keep still with him. It makes no matter. He likes you. He is like fire that purges to the bone. He understands. You can weep with him, sin with him, laugh with him, pray with him. Through it all - and underneath - he sees, knows and loves you.
A friend? What is a friend?
Just one, I repeat, with whom you dare to be yourself."
~ C. Raymond Beran ~

God, I miss you Danni. <3

Awesome. So I've done nothing productive tonight. Thanks to Kiran. (Just kidding, Kiran, I'm sorry, I wanted to watch FotC.)

Speaking of the Conchords, I'm not sure how I feel about the new season yet. The production value is up, though they are obviously trying to maintain the low budget look. The humor has changed a bit though. It was already ridiculous, but it's a different kind of over the top. Not bad, but not the same...

I resist change.

Anyway, stoked about the next project. I've got a few poster design ideas already, though it can be difficult to plan without seeing the locations and actors, haha. I'm just so excited to get started! This is a pretty big job for me!

I've come to realize that directing probably doesn't land any higher than the 4th most difficult job we can take on. It's really interesting. I have a huge respect for what DPs do. I won't go into all that, though.

Ohhh my lookit the time! Sweet dreams, dear friends.

Sara.

Sup y'all!

Sara here, and it seems that this is my first blog! (I give it a month.) Feel free to read away. I haven't really much to hide.

A little about me, I suppose. Um, since y'all know me already, here's a few things you probably DIDN'T know. For instance, I love it when my bedroom is cold, but it's warm under the blankets. I hate having my head under the blanket though - I don't like small spaces. I also don't like cream corn. Yucky. I wish it was easy to find adult onesies, and yes, I like Will Smith's Big Willy Style. I'm pretty sure I've never been to a bar, and my favorite time of day is between 8 and 10 am.

I love love LOVE making movies! That's really something everybody knows, but I'm gonna elaborate on that. The other day, I got to be a part of something great, which was dropping a piano from a crane. I can't even express how amazing my life is, seriously. Next project I'm doing publicity, which I don't even get, haha. That's cool, I'll work my ass off!

Best story I've seen on screen recently: Gran Torino

Best on screen performances: Revolutionary Road

Worst movie: none actually, can't say I've watched a bad one in a while

FAVORITE movie in the past while: Men in Black. That's right. Watching it right now and it's still as friggin' awesome as the first 32 times I've seen it in the past dozen years. By the way, can you BELIEVE 1997 was a DOZEN years ago?? Sheesh.

Anyway, sleepy time!

Love Sara.